Monday, March 30, 2009

5k - fail

i wish i was blogging about how i did the 5k on saturday, unfortunately, this is not the case. here's a little back story: my friend and i were supposed to do the 5k together. considering that both of us aren't exactly in running condition we were going to walk/jog it together. key word being together.

she has been having some medical problems that would eventually prevent her from doing the 5k all together. so i knew, i would be doing it by myself. i had no problem with this, in fact, i was looking forward to completing my first ever 5k by myself. i asked my boyfriend if he wanted to do it with us back when i first found out about it. he said that he wouldn't be ready to run a 5k by then but he would do the one with me april 18th. when he found out my friend wouldn't be doing it with me after all he asked me if i wanted him to join me. i told him, no, that's ok, i'll be fine. i should have told him, no, i want to do this by myself. but, i didn't.

fast forward to the day of the race. my boyfriend says to me, will you be mad if i do the race with you. reluctant thoughts in my head, i went ahead and said no. (i mean it's a public 5k race, i can't stop him from doing it!!) i asked if he was going to run it. he said, yeah, it'll give me a time to beat at the april 5k. immediately, my eyes start feeling up with tears. the thoughts running through my head "great, he's gonna do this when he had no interest up until NOW and he's going to run it so he's going to show me up." yes these thoughts were selfish but this is how my head interpreted it all. it bothered me that this is something i wanted to do on my own, then he was gonna come in and take my glory. i understand i'm being silly but i wanted this one to be done all on my own.

so, i shut down. i thought, i won't say anything, we'll just go and get this 5k over with, we'll come home and everything will be fine. to avoid confrontation, i am quiet. he knows that when i'm quiet something is probably wrong. he kept asking me, what's wrong, what's wrong. i kept answering, nothing, nothing. of course he gets mad at me because i'm not telling him what's wrong. so in the car on the way there, i finally blurt out, tears flowing, that i thought it was pretty convenient that he showed no interest until today and because his friends told him that they bet him he couldn't do it in under 27 mins that now he is suddenly interested, that he was going to run it and i was going to be left behind. well, of course, he gets completely defensive and we end up fighting about it. i was sobbing by then. so much so that i told him to turn around, i couldn't do the 5k, not now.

everything is fine now. we talked it out after we fought about it a little more. so, long story made short, 5k - didn't happen. 5k - april 18th - look out!! :)

sorry i was so long winded. i wanted to explain why i didn't do the 5k on saturday and i wanted to tell the truth behind why.

1 comment:

Carolyn said...

Awww well it's good that y'all talked and april 18th is coming up soon!!